Senselessness
by EKBlack
Summary: A quickie; I'm not sure how funny it is. Written 'cause of the recent lack of X humor, a skit because I didn't feel like doing a story. Now PG-13 due to mild shounen-ai and slightly citrusy implications. Scene 5 is in! R/R now!
1. Scene One

Senselessness

Senselessness

—a skit featuring part of the cast of X, some random cameos from CLAMP, a great deal of silliness, and no plot.

Disclaimer: GAH! There's no point in suing! I'm just a poor child, from a poor family(song by Queendon't sue for that either!)

Scribbles: HeeheeI shan't tell you about the characters involved apart from the X thing. Possible spoilers for X, some shonen-ai/shoujo-ai possibilities. I believe in free speech, including freedom of flaming. Write whatever you like for a review, although constructive criticism is nice

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Scene one.

(At rise, a large model of Sunshine 60 building. Stage smoke is rising from it.)

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Kamui: Oh my god!! Someone is trying to destroy another building! Let's go and attempt to stop them in vain and then get sexually harassed and tortured! All riiiight! (He runs off)

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Subaru: (looking forlorn and fingering a sakura petal) Wait for me, Kamui-san. I want to go emotionally off the edge while giving the cigarette companies another boost of sales growth(He follows Kamui)

(Not far off, Fuuma is near a vending machine. He holds the Shinken.)

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Fuuma: (Sticking Shinken in the vending machine ) You BEEPing thing! Gimme back my money! (He jabs at the mutilated machine a little longer and then gives it a couple of licks before slicing it in half with his bare hands. Soda and tea runs over his hands and drip everywhere. He licks the drink from his hands and walks off)

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Little Girl Who Resembles Kinomoto Sakura: WAHH! Now I can't buy Kero-chan a nice root beer! (She rollerblades off, to be tripped by a bunch of fangirls who then beat her up)

(On top of Sunshine 60, Fuuma is sitting and positioning some soda cans. He then makes a funny shape with his two hands as though he was making a demented shadow puppet with a long neck.)

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Fuuma: (mumbling strange things) 

(There is an explosion, and we see that the soda cans have formed a large pentacle and that there is now a large pentacle-shaped hole in the roof)

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Subaru & Seishirou: (banging their elbows into Fuuma's head) That's _our_ job!! (They see each other and have a Dramatic Moment ™.)

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Subaru: But, Sei-chan, aren't youdead?

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Seishirou: Well, in the tradition of Shakespeare's Hamlet, I have returned to spend a while with you. (Follows censored material)

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Kamui: Ahh! Oh my gosh it's you! Fuuma!

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Fuuma: Yep. It's me. "Kamui."

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Kamui: Look, I think you're confused. _I_ am Kamui.

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Fuuma: I'm Kamui.

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Kamui: Oh BEEP this. Would you do me a favor and stick that nice Shinken you got there through my hand and then lick my blood?

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Fuuma: (confused) Uh

(Nataku arrives, complete with Strange Ribbon-like Thing ™. It lands on top of Fuuma's head and hugs him.)

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Nataku: In addition to being gender-confused, I will exemplify a traditional case of Opedial conflict! By the way, Daddy, what's Opedial conflict?

(Fuuma grunts and gets up unsteadily with Kamui's help. Subaru and Seishirou's ghost are stillin the corner)

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Kamui: I can't help you with that one, Bioroid-person, but I _do _know that you're not laying claim to _my _ Fuuma. After all, he's the only reason I'm gonna save the world.

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Fuuma: OhI'm touched(warm embrace, followedby a very warm embrace, and then a make-out schpiel interrupted by Nataku)

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Nataku: Daddy?

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Fuuma: Ummph

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Nataku: Do I call that one "mommy" now?

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Kamui: FuumaI'm not sure I want to make that kind of commitment right nowbut I _will_ meet you at the next place you choose to destroy and then you could stick some more things in me and/or tie me up or throw me against concrete. Bring the Shinken.

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Fuuma: Is this a_date_?

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Kamui: (saucily) You betoh, and the Bioroid has a security blanket. Didja know that?

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Fuuma: (turns to Nataku) YesI see. I'll get rid of it. It annoys me too.

(Tomoyo pops up from nowhere and beams.)

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Tomoyo: Fuuma-san, would you like me to design a new weapon for yourdaughter?

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Nataku: (hysterically) NOOOOOOO!! (It runs off, and the train of fangirls in its wake runs over Tomoyo)

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Subaru: Kamui-kun, it's time to go. I've been properly abused.

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Kamui: Aww. (He waves a fond farewell at Fuuma and they leave)

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Seishirou's Ghost: (indignantly) Hey "Kamui", you know those two are going around behind our backs, don't you?

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Fuuma: (pondering) Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't see them anymore. After all, we're not exactly guiltless either. (they wink at each other)

(End Scene one)


	2. Scene Two

Senselessness

Senselessness

Blabber: Hah, the second part of this insanity this one, hopefully, will be funnier.

Kamui: Only 'cause it's longer

Eva: Shut up, you.

Disclaimer: All X and CLAMP-related characters belong to the four-woman deity. Ehother works belong to whoever they belong toand nothing belongs to me except for the crazy idea.

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Senselessness—Scene 2

(A dark alley. It is late at night; a dog howls somewhere far off.)

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Yuzuriha: (walking slowly, throwing fearful glances about) Gee, I wonder where Kusanagi-san ishe said he'd be here

(A masked man jumps out, as if to mug her)

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Yuzuriha: Oh my kami-sama!! (She jumps backwards and strikes a pose) TRANSFORM!! (We look on in bemusement as she is stripped in a blinding bolt of light and is re-clothed in a skimpy, tight costume with impossibly high-heeled shoes.) I represent the Moon to defeat evil! And that means _you_. (Points at would-be-robber)

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Masked **Man**: (runs away yelping)

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Yuzuriha: (big genki grin) Thanks Inuki! TRANSFORM!! (She turns back into her, er, "normal" self. She leans down to pat something a couple of feet above the ground.) You were great. Yes, thank you very much, Inuki.

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Kusanagi:(appearing out of a trash can) Hey Yuzuriha-chan!

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Yuzuriha: (waving) Hiiii!! (We cover our ears and groan at the high number of decibels she emits.) 

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Kusanagi: Shall we go to that ice-cream place I saw the other day?

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Yuzuriha: Sure! (She pats the air again) Inuki was wanting to eat some ice cream too, weren't you Inuki? 

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Kusanagi: (massive chuckle. Elephants in the Tokyo Zoo go wild upon hearing his subsonic voice.) 

(The two skip off, singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road".)

(Yuuto hangs from the ledge of a bathroom window in the women's dorm of CLAMP campus college division. His eyes are almost as large as a certain pretty purple-eyed boy's as he gazes in.)

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Yuuto: Heh. Satsuki prolly won't be happy. (A wire attached to a tiny spy-camera peeks over his shoulder, and he flicks it away without looking back.) Yep. Definitely not. (He remains glued to the window)

(Nakuru appears and grins at him before smacking his hands loose with a large manual reading "How To Be A Woman—A Complete Guide".)

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Nakuru: (watching Yuuto fall) NyahEriol-san wouldn't have been so kind.

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Yuuto: (coughing as he rises from a tangle of poison oak, planted there exclusively for such hentai as he) "KIND"? (muttering) This Eriol kid must be quite nasty indeed(he stumbles off, not noticing the spy-camera following him.)

(In the lair of the Dragons of Earth, Satsuki is connected to BEAST, as usual.)

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Satsuki: Mwhahahahahahahaha(she pats BEAST.) Good boy. Yeah, so we've got the whipped cream, the chocolate sauce, and the furry handcuffs. What are we missing? (BEAST grunts digitally) Oh yes, and the whips. (She throws her head up and cackles) AhahahahaI almost feel sorry for Yuuto-san

(In the Ice-cream parlor named "Calorie Hell", Kusanagi and Yuzuriha are happily chomping away.)

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Yuzuriha: (chewing on one end of a banana) Mmmhmmmmhmm

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Kusanagi: (chewing on the other end) Mmmhmmmhmmmm

(However, before their lips can meet, there is a commotion on the other side of the store. It seems to involve a spiky-haired redhead who is, apparently, yelling at himself.)

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Daisuke: GEHHH! DARKKK! You bought this WHOLE sundae?!! Are you insane??!! (He baps himself a few times on the head) Come back out here and eat it!! GEEEHHH!!

(some girls titter)

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Daisuke: (freaking out) AHHH!!! Rika! Risu! (muttering) so that's how he changed

(Suddenly the whole storefront shatters. A blue-eyed guy with an interesting hairstyle flies in, slow-motion. He is grinning Evilly ™.)

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Krad: (sees Daisuke immediately) Ah! Wing Master! (He attacks)

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Yuzuriha: (standing as the other patrons start to scream and run away) Kusa, d'you recognize that man?

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Kusanagi: (squints) Nope.

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Yuzuriha: (analytically) So he's not a Dragon of Earth?

**Kusanagi**: Nope.

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Yuzuriha: Hmm he sure reminds me of that guy who wears designer sunglasses and promotes illegal smoking to minors

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Kusanagi: "Kamui"?

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Yuzuriha: Yeahand there was another onebut isn't he dead?

(Before Kusanagi can answer, Seishirou's ghost pops up in the air over his head.)

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Seishirou's Ghost: Did you mention my humble name?

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Yuzuriha: (striking defensive pose) Yeeeahhso?

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Seishirou: (crankily) If you don't want me don't call me. (Before he exits he pats Krad on the shoulder as the latter mauls Daisuke.) 'Later old pal.

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Krad: 'Later.

(Kamui enters and whines piteously)

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Kamui: I got no lines! 

-Author- Well now you do, so shut up.

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Kamui: (valiantly) Let's go, Krad! Even though you're not a DoE, you're still hurting that poor kid!

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Krad: (lifts an eyebrow) Ah

(They fight)

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Kamui: (lying in a heap) How did this happen _again_? I mean, what the BEEP, even though I'm supposed to be the most powerful of the DoH, I still get beaten up?

(All of the other Dragons appear. Krad laughes evilly and flies off.)

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Dragons: That's right.

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Kamui: GRR.I hate you all. I'm not gonna save the world anymore.

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Crowd: (gasp)

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Fuuma: (landing near his injured counterpart) Yep. Yay! That means I get to be the good guy.

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Kamui: (smiles) Mommy always said to take turns.

(They hug)

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Crowd: awwwhow sweeet

-**Intermission. Remember, no kekkais in the theater. And please, avoid all plot twists.-**

Eva: Hahlooks like another mite of shounen-ai for ya

Kamui: UGH

Dark: Hey, I didn't even get an appearance.

Eva: If you had you would've taken over the whole thing.

Dark: (muttering) Darn it.

Eva: Questions? Comments? Scroll downsee that big blank box? Type 'em there.

(backstage, Seishirou and Hokuto's ghosts are chasing Subaru)


	3. Scene Three

Senselessness

Senselessness

Jabber: The third scene! My little story's growing up! It wasn't supposed to be like this! *sobs*

Disclaimer: You will not be a Really Nice Person if you sue, because I've got nothing of any value. (Except for maybe that Kamui posterah, forget I said that) All mentioned characters, parodied originals belong to whomever they belong to. However, this insanity is MINE. All miiiine!! ::bwhaha::

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Senselessness-**Scene 3**

(It is a bright day on a dock somewhere in Japan. Sakura of all colors drift from nonexistent trees, as do feathers and droplets of blood (?). Our favorite onmyouji are facing off.)

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Subaru: (sighing) Seishirou-san

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Seishirou's ghost: Subaru-kun

(Unexpectedly, Sorata appears and grins at the younger, and more , er, lively man.)

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Sorata: (huge smile on his face) O--ha--yo!! (He starts to drag Subaru away from the phantasm, to the latter's great distress.) Let's go Subaru-kun, the other Ten no Ryuu are waiting for us. (He puts the spluttering and half-blind man down and examines thereof.) Are you packed?

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Subaru: (indignant, not a little confused, and trying to crawl back to Sei-chan's ghost) Packed for what?!

(The other Dragons all appear from a parallel dimension and strike poses, with "Kamui" and Kamui at the center of their can-can line.)

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Dragons: (shouting) The cruuuuuise!!

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Kamui: (angsty look at Subaru) Subaru-san, is that the

(Dramatic violins swell in the background)

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Kamui: Sakurazukamori?

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Seishirou's ghost: (leering) Wow kid, you're good. Brilliant, Watson.

(The others clap politely)

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"Kamui" (aka Fuuma): Well, my newly evil pal, are you ready to torture me?

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Kamui: (starts to smile winningly but reverts to his old smirk--the fangirls swoon) Certainly. 

('They start to fight. The other Dragons roll eyes, sigh, and snicker, respectively. Eventually the two are pulled and pushed aboard.)

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Fuuma: (tiredly) That was fun! (He has a black eye and a cast around most of his left leg)

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Kamui: (smirking) Yes. (Strikes definite Sadistic and Proud of It pose) Ahaha. I enjoyed the staple gun and super glue most of all. And you were fantastic throughout.

(That night, on the deck of the cruise ship, Fuuma is cornered by his now evil counterpart. Slowly, he is being backed against the railing.)

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Fuuma: (frightened; he has another cast around an arm, and bandages are flopping everywhere, as are the expected feathers, gears, ribbons, and blood (?).) Ka-Kamuiplease, come back to me, Kamui

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Kamui: (evil Grin ™) I think not ( he pushes Fuuma against the railing.)\

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Fuuma: (climbing up the railing) D--don't come a-any closer! I'll jump!

(Tense music; think lots of sixteenth notes)

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Kamui: (apparently reverting to his good side) No! Fuuma, get down from there. If you jump(music swells in a romantic bellow)I'll jump to save you. (The two stare at each other for a few moments.)

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Fuuma: (teary) R-really? 

(Embrace follows, somewhat hindered by the casts and bandages.)

(The next morning, in Kamui's cabin)

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Kamui: (yawning) Fuu..ma? You up?

(He get up and discovers a little stuffed bunny of the pudgy variety, favored by CLAMP in WISH. Pandemonium ensues.)

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Kamui: (panicking) Ohmykami-sama(overturning bowls) Fuuma(peering in the trash can)Fuuma?!

(Yuzuriha appears in the doorway, rubbing her eyes.)

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Yuzuriha: Who are you calling for? (Kusanagi appears behind her, in a pink bathrobe)

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Kusanagi: Yuzu-chan, I'm gonna go brush my teeth now, okay?

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Yuzuriha: (genki) OOH! With the bubblegum flavored paste?

(They wander off, leaving Kamui scrambling about. The maid enters, duster in hand.)

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Ranma in Disguise: Eh

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Kamui: (flinging up a pot of newly-made coffee at Ran-chan's face)

(Splash)

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Kamui: (freaking out) Oh my kami-sama, you're a guy. (to himself) and I thought I was strange in my sexual orientation

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Ranma: (-_-**) Hey kid, lemme teach you something

(At dinner, Kamui is done up in the oh-so-familiar bandages.)

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Fuuma: Well, at least you found me, huh?

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Kamui: Grrr

(On deck, later that night, the Dragons are taking turns standing at the railing of the prow and sticking their arms out.)

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Fuuma: Hey cool, look, Kamui, it reminds me of the time when I stuck glass in your hands and pretended to crucify you! (-Author-: Come on, you remember that one, don't you?)

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Kamui: (is involved in standing at said prow with the Sumeragi) I'mI'm _flying_, Subaru

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Seishirou's ghost and** Fuuma**: GRRRRR

(In the entrance to the swimming pool)

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Nataku: (questioningly) Can I bring my Ribbon-san?

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Syaoran the lifeguard: (irritated) NO!

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Nataku: (sobbing) I want my Daaaaaddy!! (It (?) runs off)

(Unbeknownst to the Dragons, the other passengers are secretly taking the lifeboats and evacuating the ship due to the bout of senselessness their presence has induced.)

(End Scene three)

Eva: Heh heh*rubs hands* now this story will _really_ get interesting

Kamui: *grumble grumble* 

Eva: *evil laugh* And then, finally, I can start on my DN Angel fic!

Dark: Does that mean I'll show up?

Eva: Maaaybeeoh, yes, if you want to read aforementioned DN Angel fic or if you are a Really Really Really Nice Person, just go down a tad further and review!! 


	4. Scene Four

Senselessness

Senselessness

Ramble: Well, this should be the final scene in the "Senselessness" business, and am I glad of it. 

Kamui: *tearful* Don't you love us anymore?

Eva: Sheesh-_-()

Disclaimer: CLAMP would kill me off secretly if they found out that someone mutilated their precious work thus. So you don't need to sue me, just hire that hit man and see what happens

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Senselessness-Scene 4

(On the deck of the cruise ship, the Dragons are standing about with nothing to do.)

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Nataku: (running out of nowhere with its ribbon) DAAAADDDYYY!!!

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Fuuma: (muffled as he has a full-sized man around his neck) Urghlet go, Kazuki-chan, glompings are reserved by my fangirls.

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Fangirls: (huffily) Well, since you're all _nice_ now, Fuuma-san, we don't want you anymore. 

(The rather misantrophic [ -Author-: O_o;;;] female otaku now crowd around Fuuma's counterpart, who signs a few of the items they worshipfully proffer with a blood-colored marker labelled "CLAMP-ish beauteous morbidity" where the "colour" designation sticker usually is.)

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Kamui: (Evil Smirk ™) Hahahahalooks like I got the better end of our new deal, Fuuma

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Fuuma: Hmph. 

(Kamui grins wickedly at the audience and hands Fuuma the stuffed white rabbit remniscient of the WISH messenger bunny.)

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Kamui: (puppy-dog eyes) Aw, Fuuma, I'm sorry. Can you forgive me? After all, my--our--destinies were foreordained. I can do nothinghere's bunny-san, I figured thatthat you'd want him back

(Cue piano-lounge music typical of the "tender" moments in a daytime soap opera.)

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Fuuma: (touched) Kamui

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Kamui: (tilting his head back) Fuuma (Violent crescendo of the music as the fangirls of both parties swoon. Cue audience "aww".)

(Meanwhile, the ghost of the Sakurazukamori has shown up again and is, er, harassing Subaru.)

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Subaru: (somewhat annoyed, but mostly cowed--think Kamui talking to Keiichi) Eh, Seishirou-san. 

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Seishirou's Ghost: (innocently) Whaaaat? My dear Subaru-kun?

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Subaru: (bending to detach the phantom's hand from an embarassing part of his anatomy) There are children present, Sei-san

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Seishirou's Ghost: (grinning) Oh. ( He [temporarily] desists)

(Karen, meanwhile, is patting Nataku comfortingly on the head as the latter bawls.)

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Nataku: (sobbing) The mean little boy at the pool wouldn't let me bring Ribbon-san

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Karen: (in all her motherliness) But, Nata--I mean, Kazuki-chan, Ribbon-san would get wet! And then what would you do?

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Nataku: (big innocent eyes) I'd take him out of the water, Karen-san. And then I'd hang him somewhere to dry.

(A little mental picture of the twelve-foot-long ribbon dripping everywhere, drawn on a piece of poster-board, appears above Karen's head.)

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Karen: (sweatdropping) Erm, Kazuki-chan, I think we should get you an inner tube for the pool instead

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Nataku: (brightening) Can we get a white one and color it in with red marker so it looks like Ribbon-san when I just killed someone with him? [-Author- You know the reference pic if you're a really rabid X fan who owns X Zero]

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Karen: (sweatdropping some more) S-sure

(In the ship's boiler room)

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Anonymous Worker 1: (coughing) I'm underpaid.

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Anonymous Worker 2: (he is kind of green in the face) So am I. (The other workers all start to grumble.)

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Marius-like figure for all you Hugo fans out there: (gets atop a crate and shakes his fist defiantly in the air) Come, countrymen! (The workers gawk at him.)

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Anonymous Worker 3, who, by the way, looks a lot like Kinomoto Touya: Uhyeah!! I'd be willing to give up my latent powers for decent pay! (The workers cheer.) 

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Workers: (shouting & stamping their feet) Strike! Strike! Strike!!

(Satsuki and Yuuto are lounging side-by-side)

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Satsuki: (smiling contentedly) Ah. I just love sitting here with you, Yuuto, on this lovely lawn chair, and sipping my cool diet tropical beverage.( -Author- _Separate_ lawn chairs, you dirty person!)

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Yuuto: (sighing) Yes. But of course, the best part is that your drink is _diet_, neh?

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Satsuki: (winking at audience extremely genki-ly and extremely OOCly) Thaaat's riiight! (displays enormous plastic jug of a murky orange drink) Drink Tropicade for that smooth tummy or those buns of steel you've always wanted!!

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Yukito: (falling from a parallel dimension--recently renamed by scientists as "Tomoeda" from its original "Sickly-cute-land") Did someone mention food? (His tummy growls as he turns briefly chibi) I'm hungry. I would like some buns, yes. (To Satsuki) What kind did you say they were?

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Satsuki: (returning to her usual self) Eat steel, buddy. (Throws large gag-cartoonish anvil on his head.) Now then, Yuuto, what were we discussing?

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Yuuto: How relaxing this cruise is turning out to be---

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Satsuki: (looking up from her palmtop) What?

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Yuuto: (sighing) Never mind.

(The Dragons all stop what they are doing, however, when the picketing workers start to emerge onto the deck.)

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Marius-like worker: AHH!! Look at them! They're against the people's rights to be content with normal proportions of the human body!! Let's go stone them and avenge all the manga otakus who try to be so picture-perfect!

(The workers rush to the Dragons, only to be blasted by ofuda, sakura-petal tentacles, electric cables that came from nowhere, various balls of _ki_, lightning, water, wind, fire, leafy vines, a rather soggy Ribbon-sanyou get the point.)

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Workers: AHHHH!!! (They dive overboard to avoid the onslaught)

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Yuzuriha: Darn it, I didn't get the chance to transform.

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Dragons: (group sweatdrop)

(A sudden silence as everyone takes in the sight of an enormous, charred hole in the deck.)

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Kamui: (Walks over to the hole and jumps backwards when the blackened edge of wood starts to crumble) WAH! (He glares at it)

(Another sudden silence as a huge gout of seawater shoots through the hole and the ship begins to tilt.)

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Seichiirou: It looks like something out of one of those underwater sci-fi flicks.

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Dragons: Nobody asked you! (They realize that the wave is starting to break and run to where signs indicate the life-boats should be.)

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Arashi: (looking something other than emotionless for once) The boats aren't here!

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Kamui: (pointing) Look! I see one!

(The Dragons rush to the pulleys attached to the boat and pull it high enough against the side of the ship to jump into. Nobody reads the cautionary sign on the tarp covering its top--Approved for Seven Passengers)

Eva: okay then, maybe this _won't_ be the last scene. *sighs* Now it won't be half before the intermission and half after. *Grr*

Kamui: Yay! That means I can stay a while longer!! 

Eva: -_-() If you wanna make me feel better, simply move downthat's ita little bit more and write some stuff in that large blank area. Better yet, if you're registered on FF.net, check one of those two little boxes near the large blank area


	5. Scene Five

Senselessness

Senselessness

Pre-ramble: Okay. I put my foot down. This IS the last scene. NO MORE!

Kamui: *hurt* Now I _know_ that you don't love me anymore.

Eva: T-that's not true!! NOO! Come back!

Disclaimer: Stay very calm. This is only a figment of my imagination, and with Sei-chan's help I have transformed it into a silly mabaroshi of fanfiction-land to dizzy and surprise you. Besides, I'm broke and don't want CLAMP to persecute me for this strange little piece. (Which they wouldthere would be no bad fanfics in the world if the "real" owners hired hitmennor would there be fanfic _writers_, at that)

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Senselessness-Scene 5--What Happened After

(We are presented with the bespectacled and (chillingly) smiling face of one Clow Reed.)

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Reed: (without losing his grin) Welcome to the CLAMP gakuen special edition of our seven o'clock news. (People in background cheer and stamp their feet.) Yes, and let's give a hearty greeting to our guests! (Reed watches with a sweatdrop as some of the screaming fangirls in the audience wave pieces of lingerie for the guests to autograph) Erlet's give a hearty yet _socially acceptable_ greeting to our guests!

(Polite clapping from the dejected fans. However, they perk up when the objects of their fanaticism enter. )

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Fangirl One: (whispering) Woah, I didn't know that their hair was _really_ covered with those little dots of white

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Fangirl Two: (whispering back) Neither did I(as Karen enters) oh my god(shields her eyes from the outfit, or lack thereof, which clads the Soapgirl)

(On stage, the Ryuu settle themselves into the plush armchairs provided for that purpose. Well, all except Seishirou's Ghost and Kakyou, whose position in his chair can be better described as "boneless". Fuuma and Kamui stand when Reed taps his microphone.)

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Reed: (still smiling) Allow me to introduce to you the leaders of the(he checks his script)..Dragons of Heaven and Earth! 

(Cheers and somewhat obscene hoots and catcalls as our favorite bishi saunter (Kamui) and thump (Fuuma) to the mike.)

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Kamui: (wicked smirk at the audience) I guess I'm supposed to tell you about that [beep]ing [beep] of a cruise we went on?

(If possible, someone in the audience should faint at this point.)

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Kamui: (lowers his eyelids beneath his new Lennon shades) Hehlet's just say that a high-grossing movie could be produced from the kind of horrors we went through(Fuuma, looking discomfited, interrupts.)

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Fuuma: Er, actually, it wasn't that bad. (Note: now that the "Kamui"s have reversed roles, their appearances have similarly changed--therefore, Fuuma's back to the old hedgehog bristle hairstyle) Except for when Subaru almost drowned 'cause we had to distract the Sakurazukamori's ghost from killing us all(Audience gasp)and when Kakyou suddenly appeared, floating on his back in the middle of the oceanand when

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Yuzuriha: (standing up and taking over the microphone) The worst was when we _ran out of Pocky_.

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Kamui: (leering) So you had to eat some fish _I_ had to catch and cook

****

Seishirou's Ghost: (standing---er, actually, drifting nearer to Kamui) Oh, so _that_ was what the black soggy stuff was supposed to be. (He smirks as Kamui Death-Glares ™.) And the incident of the seaweed

****

Seichiirou: (brightly) It was like this episode of "Survivor" where they had to eat these carnivorous plants!

****

Arashi: (eagerly) Wow, you saw that one too?

(All sweatdrop at the ensuing conversation.)

****

Sorata: (whispering behind his hand to Karen) I never knew that Miss was a fan of television shows

****

Karen: Well, you never saw her slumber partiesthe amount of videosthe cable bill

****

Sorata: (dumbfounded) _Slumber_ parties?

****

Yuuto: (grinning) Are you two discussing sleeping with large parties of people?

****

Sorata: (huge sweatdrop) Eh

(Meanwhile, at the microphone, Subaru is detailing how the entire crew had to survive on sakura petals.)

****

Subaru: So finally, we were down to eating the ofudaand Kusanagi-san was kind enough to provide some vinesand luckily Karen-san could light fires to cook with

****

Fuuma: (guiltily) Actually, Subaru-san

****

Subaru: What?

****

Fuuma: I

(The audience goes wild.)

****

Fangirl 3: (screeching) "I'm the father of Kamui's child!!"

****

Fangirl 4: (screeching) "I want you to marry me!"

****

Fuuma: I ate the food.

(Everyone falls over, except for Satsuki, who has a swath of wires around her and is oblivious, and Kakyou, who is still looking rather dead.)

****

Yuzuriha: (gasps) N..not the Pocky too?!

****

Fuuma: (shamefacedly) Yeahthat tooand the sakuraeven Kamui's seaweed

****

Kamui: (big sparkly eyes) Oh _wow_, Fuuma, you _ate_ that? Even I didn't eat it

(Cue audience "aww" as Kamui throws his arms around Fuuma.)

****

Kamui: (sobbing) Youdidn't have to

****

Fuuma: Er, actually, I believed you threatened to blow up the boat if we didn't try some.

****

Yuzuriha: Yep, I remember that, 'cause that was the first time I considered suicide

****

Kamui: (snarling) Fine thenhmph.

****

Seishirou's Ghost: (grabs Subaru) Come, Subaru-kun, let's get away from these insane people and enjoy some private time

****

Kamui: (hurling the mike at the phantom onmyouji) I don't think so! 

(As pandemonium ensues, Reed straightens his glasses.)

****

Reed: And that concludes our spe--(He is shoved aside by Sei-san's ghost, who makes a victory sign and returns to the fight.)

****

-Coda-

By the time Kamui and the late Seishirou settled their dispute, most of the other Dragons were either unconscious or had run away, not to mention Kamui himself, who had to, once _again_, visit the hospital. The doctors commented that he was starting to get rather familiar, and the infuriated boy could do nothing (as he was in traction). Seishirou refused adamantly to return to the grave and spent several months possessing people's bodies and showing up at Subaru's apartment. Meanwhile, Fuuma had already saved the world and was endorsing cereal via extremely popular commercials casting him as "Efficient Savior".

****

End Senselessness (?)

Eva: Ahh, I just love a finished multi-part.

Kamui: GRR

Eva: What, you wanted to be even more injured? Traction not good enough for ya?

Kamui: *grouchily subsides*

Eva: Mwhahahahere we come, D.N.Angel fic


End file.
